Scarry dream

So the other night I woke up crying. I don't usually cry, but this time I wasn't conscious to stop it from happening (some unhealthy habbit I have). And once I realized I was awake, I couldn't stop crying still. It was about feeling inadequate at work and in my education. I'm not used to failures, or feeling out of my league and my subconscious mind got the better of me. I rebuked the feeling of inadequacy at work cause it was only my 2nd day; and I'm dealing with the feelings of inadequacy at school cause I'm understanding it and loving attending class (a 1st since Sept 2002).
I'm still trusting in God. This is totally a test of endurance and perseverance (James 1:2-4). How long do I hold on to what he's telling me, and what part of it is him (where as some of it may be me just being silly). Like I have no money, and I know that God's providing and money will be here soon, but do I borrow money to go to something with friends - say a STARFIELD CONCERT?? Do I conserve all of the pennies and only be out 1100, or do I borrow an extra $11 to make it an even $1111?? I keep working my shifts and await the paycheques. God has made himself known in such intimate financial ways, like my return bus tickets being bought during my shifts because God is providing through tips (unexpected until my 1st shift).
I'm going to Summit this coming weekend. It seems silly to say this after the above paragraph, but God is totally providing for this. It could be coincidence or just circumstances (but is God too big or too small to use those things?). Let's see, from North Africa Project (like Montreal last year) we're recieving a $50 scholarship to cover some of the cost of the retreat. Also, without scheduling it with my boss, I'm getting next weekend off. I didn't think that would happen in 100000000 years. So now I have to trust that if this is God's will, he'll provide. I want to see if I can get my lil brother to go too, it's such an amazing experience with long-lasting impact. If Erin (littler brother's gf) decided to go too, that'd be amazing.

Well call me to catch up (I won't referr you to my blog :P )