From Abbostford to Montreal

So on Saturday Mike Woddard came by our training with a stack of envelopes. Inside were our placements, the ones we've been eagerly awaiting.
He picks them up, waves them about, and then Dave Beck (MC) says that we're not going to find out during Mike's session, not even till the end of the next one. That's like 2 hours of the envelopes being in the room, without us being able to read them. What's more, we had a 24 hour period where we couldn't tell anyone about it. We had to pray about it, and not talk to people about it, not anyone.

In October, when driving into Montreal, I got this feeling, an overwhelming feeling, that God was calling me there. There's a lot that God could be up to in that city, and I believe that he's doing something. There are a few other Christians I know in Montreal and they're seeing things too.

When I got my envelope I was surprised with the words Montreal Metro. Interesting, you may say. I had spent about a month psyching myself up for seeing anything else. I knew God was calling me to Montreal, but I didn't want to be totally disappointed if he'd decided to use me elsewhere. I mean God's moving everywhere, and he's working in people everywhere, so why not be willing to move anywhere to serve him? Also, everywhere else had this mysterious adventurism to it. The possibility of not knowing had excited me. Yet, after thinking about it a while, I had known that Montreal was my destination, so I was happy about this decision.

Now, not talking to anyone about it was interesting. There were some people who wanted to learn sign language just to be able to communicate with others without talking. Some people wanted to talk about the future, but realized that it would imply their next destination.

Anyways, the time's over and so I now know that I'm in Montreal with James Lucas and Lydia Low!! Oh my goodness, could God have blessed me any more? I mean seriously, my city, my closest new staff friends...
Sounds kinda weird, I don't really know James that well, but I've known him the longest. Last night we talked about stuff and it was nice to get to know someone I so highly respect.

So today we start MPD (Ministry Partner Development, or support team) training at 8am, can you believe it?? 8AM! I feel tired just thinking about that time of the morning. I am actually tired just getting up at 6:45 to get ready for 8am. I seem to have some extra time, or I'm just stealing it to update y'all. Well, although I don't look forward to having to MPD once I get back, and I don't look forward to sitting any longer, I do look forward to the understanding and knowledge that I will acquire.

On Wednesday (the 1st day) Dave Beck said that by the end of our time we'd all be the best of friends and we'd remember everyone's name. I laughed, thinking this room is too full for any of that. But it's right, at least for the campus staff. There are a few other staff who've made their presence desired and made good friends with us, but most of them just stuck to themselves. I think 30 campus staff would be intimidating, so I don't blame them. But I now have like 25 new friends! People I'll see at future training and be able to talk to online (if I work at my lack of communicating skills, in general). People who'll be going through similar stuff to me, during MPD and the first days on campus.

Actually MPD really frightens me, to the point that I'm having to work at trusting God through this. If I don't have my full support raised by August, does God love me any less? And is God big enough to get my full support raised by August? Are a few questions that might personify what's going on in my heart. Could you please pray for me, that God would bless me abundantly and that I'd be on my knees daily at the mercy of his provision?

Friday at MET

Friday in Abbotsford

Today was action packed. We start our day at 8:30am, and didn't finish until 8:30pm. We then went to the restaurant and had desert - too much iced cream.

I noticed a vent I'd written a while back, in my journal. It was about looking for the perfect spouse. So much of the way we go about trying to find that special someone is egocentric. Is that person good enough for me, does he/she fit my personality type, will they fulfill my needs (no, they could never!). We were doing personality test reviews today, to look at our weaknesses to avoid burning out and conflicting with our future team mates, and to know ourselves better. One of the people in the room asked if this could help us in choosing our spouses. The answer was that God's will and understanding is higher, but that it would help when trying to work out conflict and needs. Like, if you were to find the perfect spouse, according to your standards, that person is still sinful, dynamically changing, will loose their beauty/charm as the years wear on, and not be able to meet all of your needs. If we are confident in ourselves, due to the confidence we find in Christ; love ourselves in the love of Christ; and see our beauty/charm as Christ defines who we are and how he sees us, then we don't need the other to fulfill things they weren't meant to fulfill.

In reading Blue Like Jazz, I realized that I love others above myself... but don't love myself that much. I often feel that taking care of my own needs is too unloving towards others. They could have used that time or money for their needs but instead I was too self-ish and worried about myself. I felt guilty for buying new clothes and make-up, when really I've never spent money on myself, bought clothes that I like (or try styles to be able to discover my own), or bought cover-up in my entire life. I've been living off a student loan, spending money on others and on basic needs. When spending money on food is considered a luxury your perspective changes. Yet, I have spent money before entering into a salary. All this to say, I find it hard to receive love from others, or God, or myself. I know I don't feel 'worthy' or good enough for love because I've been told that by my peers, and I've always been an over achiever. What does God have to say? I have loved you with an everlasting love, comes to mind.

As I said above, I have spent some money on myself, and so I feel guilty of over indulgence. I worry that these things are taking me away from God. Well, then I thought that while spending time on putting myself together, rather than just rolling out of bed, I can be praying to the Lord, hashing things out and repenting when my attention is directed to how others are going to think of me if...

Todays talks were mostly about our relationship with the Lord. My first thought was how I get so wrapped up in the structures. Schedules, expectations, routines. Here I am, at a staff conference, loving the Lord, surprised that we're discussing our faith. That's so donc. I was so impressed that the President of Campus Crusade for Christ was talking to us about God being our compass and that we need to rely on him in everything if we're going to make it through life and ministry.

While going through my Birkman report, it was clear how much I rely on affirmation and sounding boards. A strong note was made that we need to have our support groups (family, friends, mentors) with us as we move into this new time of life. This is a common characteristic for our group (the 30+ of us here at MET) that is true amongst us. I am so glad that I'll be in Ottawa this summer, so that I can fight the impression that I'm all alone and no one understands me.

Well I'm tired, don't know about you. I need to get some good sleep, finally.

Good night.