Free Hillsong CD contest

I just found this contest through Selina's facebook status. Check it out: http://joshuaseller.blogspot.com/!!

Today's readings....

This morning, in attempt to better understand myself in light of what the Word teaches, I read a few articles that I believe could be useful to you as well.

BRINGING IT HOME by Charles R. Swindoll

My Ugly Blind Spot By Suzanne Hadley

Vocabulary of Grace by Rachel Starr Thompson

And one with a stunning title: Hate Your Life by Kara Schwab


I hope that they help you as you grow closer to the Lord today!

For some thought

Caedmon's Call \ Thankful

You know I ran across an old box of letters
While I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill
But you Know I had to laugh at the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plaguing me still
I know the road is long from the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he's getting some place
But you see, I'm running from the very clothes I'm wearing
And dressed like this I'm fit for the chase

'Cause no, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who seek God
No not one, I said no not one

So I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause we're all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We're shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can't refuse, I cannot add a thing

'Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You
Because I have no choice

I am thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own
I'm so thankful that I'm incapable
Of doing any good on my own

'Cause by grace I have been saved
Through faith that's not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast

Time to post

Not that I have time to post, but I really feel that I should take the time to post. Not many read this blog, but I'd like to start using this one. I have a blog for ministry, that I'd like to use too.. startingtheadventure.blogspot.com, and facebook seems to be taking over the world.

Well I'm dealing with the wonderful world of Ministry Partner Development. I say wonderful world because like many things the Lord plans, it's refining. Wonderful to be looking back upon times when the Lord works... painful to be in them. I have a lot of weaknesses that make this hard... and many sins that keep me from fully trusting in the Lord. E-buke right there.

I went to a service this Sunday and it was on putting God first, before money, schedules. I'd add comfort. It's easy to do the things that come naturally, hard to stand out from the crowd. It seems to be a pattern in my life - no compromise. Psalm 101.

It's a great time to be reminded of how many loving and encouraging friends you have... and to be loving and encouraging back. The world runs on love, it's like natural gas we need it to go on.

Not too much of this makes sense, but anyways.

I read Psalm 42 today. As the dear pants for water so I pant for you O Lord. Really? Do we really? And do we satiate that need or just push it away and try to continue on... maybe seeking other things to complete us? I know that I go about my day with too many hours isolating myself from God - even when I've set that day aside for him. Totally donc!

Faith has to be the most important attribute when in ministry... and the Lord is teaching me this - it's a process.

I was listening to this talk today: Mark Driscoll

From Abbostford to Montreal

So on Saturday Mike Woddard came by our training with a stack of envelopes. Inside were our placements, the ones we've been eagerly awaiting.
He picks them up, waves them about, and then Dave Beck (MC) says that we're not going to find out during Mike's session, not even till the end of the next one. That's like 2 hours of the envelopes being in the room, without us being able to read them. What's more, we had a 24 hour period where we couldn't tell anyone about it. We had to pray about it, and not talk to people about it, not anyone.

In October, when driving into Montreal, I got this feeling, an overwhelming feeling, that God was calling me there. There's a lot that God could be up to in that city, and I believe that he's doing something. There are a few other Christians I know in Montreal and they're seeing things too.

When I got my envelope I was surprised with the words Montreal Metro. Interesting, you may say. I had spent about a month psyching myself up for seeing anything else. I knew God was calling me to Montreal, but I didn't want to be totally disappointed if he'd decided to use me elsewhere. I mean God's moving everywhere, and he's working in people everywhere, so why not be willing to move anywhere to serve him? Also, everywhere else had this mysterious adventurism to it. The possibility of not knowing had excited me. Yet, after thinking about it a while, I had known that Montreal was my destination, so I was happy about this decision.

Now, not talking to anyone about it was interesting. There were some people who wanted to learn sign language just to be able to communicate with others without talking. Some people wanted to talk about the future, but realized that it would imply their next destination.

Anyways, the time's over and so I now know that I'm in Montreal with James Lucas and Lydia Low!! Oh my goodness, could God have blessed me any more? I mean seriously, my city, my closest new staff friends...
Sounds kinda weird, I don't really know James that well, but I've known him the longest. Last night we talked about stuff and it was nice to get to know someone I so highly respect.

So today we start MPD (Ministry Partner Development, or support team) training at 8am, can you believe it?? 8AM! I feel tired just thinking about that time of the morning. I am actually tired just getting up at 6:45 to get ready for 8am. I seem to have some extra time, or I'm just stealing it to update y'all. Well, although I don't look forward to having to MPD once I get back, and I don't look forward to sitting any longer, I do look forward to the understanding and knowledge that I will acquire.

On Wednesday (the 1st day) Dave Beck said that by the end of our time we'd all be the best of friends and we'd remember everyone's name. I laughed, thinking this room is too full for any of that. But it's right, at least for the campus staff. There are a few other staff who've made their presence desired and made good friends with us, but most of them just stuck to themselves. I think 30 campus staff would be intimidating, so I don't blame them. But I now have like 25 new friends! People I'll see at future training and be able to talk to online (if I work at my lack of communicating skills, in general). People who'll be going through similar stuff to me, during MPD and the first days on campus.

Actually MPD really frightens me, to the point that I'm having to work at trusting God through this. If I don't have my full support raised by August, does God love me any less? And is God big enough to get my full support raised by August? Are a few questions that might personify what's going on in my heart. Could you please pray for me, that God would bless me abundantly and that I'd be on my knees daily at the mercy of his provision?

Friday at MET

Friday in Abbotsford

Today was action packed. We start our day at 8:30am, and didn't finish until 8:30pm. We then went to the restaurant and had desert - too much iced cream.

I noticed a vent I'd written a while back, in my journal. It was about looking for the perfect spouse. So much of the way we go about trying to find that special someone is egocentric. Is that person good enough for me, does he/she fit my personality type, will they fulfill my needs (no, they could never!). We were doing personality test reviews today, to look at our weaknesses to avoid burning out and conflicting with our future team mates, and to know ourselves better. One of the people in the room asked if this could help us in choosing our spouses. The answer was that God's will and understanding is higher, but that it would help when trying to work out conflict and needs. Like, if you were to find the perfect spouse, according to your standards, that person is still sinful, dynamically changing, will loose their beauty/charm as the years wear on, and not be able to meet all of your needs. If we are confident in ourselves, due to the confidence we find in Christ; love ourselves in the love of Christ; and see our beauty/charm as Christ defines who we are and how he sees us, then we don't need the other to fulfill things they weren't meant to fulfill.

In reading Blue Like Jazz, I realized that I love others above myself... but don't love myself that much. I often feel that taking care of my own needs is too unloving towards others. They could have used that time or money for their needs but instead I was too self-ish and worried about myself. I felt guilty for buying new clothes and make-up, when really I've never spent money on myself, bought clothes that I like (or try styles to be able to discover my own), or bought cover-up in my entire life. I've been living off a student loan, spending money on others and on basic needs. When spending money on food is considered a luxury your perspective changes. Yet, I have spent money before entering into a salary. All this to say, I find it hard to receive love from others, or God, or myself. I know I don't feel 'worthy' or good enough for love because I've been told that by my peers, and I've always been an over achiever. What does God have to say? I have loved you with an everlasting love, comes to mind.

As I said above, I have spent some money on myself, and so I feel guilty of over indulgence. I worry that these things are taking me away from God. Well, then I thought that while spending time on putting myself together, rather than just rolling out of bed, I can be praying to the Lord, hashing things out and repenting when my attention is directed to how others are going to think of me if...

Todays talks were mostly about our relationship with the Lord. My first thought was how I get so wrapped up in the structures. Schedules, expectations, routines. Here I am, at a staff conference, loving the Lord, surprised that we're discussing our faith. That's so donc. I was so impressed that the President of Campus Crusade for Christ was talking to us about God being our compass and that we need to rely on him in everything if we're going to make it through life and ministry.

While going through my Birkman report, it was clear how much I rely on affirmation and sounding boards. A strong note was made that we need to have our support groups (family, friends, mentors) with us as we move into this new time of life. This is a common characteristic for our group (the 30+ of us here at MET) that is true amongst us. I am so glad that I'll be in Ottawa this summer, so that I can fight the impression that I'm all alone and no one understands me.

Well I'm tired, don't know about you. I need to get some good sleep, finally.

Good night.

Hockey Night in Canada

So Ottawa won, again. Once playoffs start, I watch and cheer for any Canadian team. Toronto fan, born and raised here. Canadian teams come second rate. Yet my attitude isn't 'any team but Ottawa', like I've seen from many different hockey fans.

I miss watching my brothers play hockey. It makes the game 100x better. Really, then you can justify feeling so attached to the game. It's funny, watching a room full of people talking to a screen, engaged in the game .... more than a jurry in a court case.

It was weird today. I was reading a friend's xanga about the top few things that turn guys off women. Was this eddifying? I find it totally unedifying, unloving, manipulative. Where do I get my guidance from in becoming the woman I am to be??? The Word, and the whispers from God. Do I care what you want me to be like (or women in general) ?? Am I now supposed to now try my hardest to be good enough for your standards, as if!! I am a princess of the Lord most high, you are a prince of the Lord most high. I am talking about honour, respect, and trust in God's purposes, where is that?
Are we in grade 9 still?? Are we playing the 'love game' like those of the world with no God to guide them.

p.s. making lists of turn offs makes you not sexy!

Affraid that women are hung up on some image of the perfect man? Check this out. Affraid that you're never going to meet the guy? Check this out. Affraid that no one could be good enough for you, check this out!

Peace out.